Deep in Our Hearts
by freedandelion
Summary: AU; Heartbroken Peeta Mellark and sadastic Katniss Everdeen never imagined themselves coming across one another but when they meet each other one evening at a local library their lives change forever. But what happens when one fatal thing stands in the way from being with one another? Will it bring them closer together or will they fall completely apart?
1. Chapter I

**Introduction****:  
**Katniss Everdeen has been fighting cancer for almost two years now. Everything about her life has been hard since she's turned the age of twelve being left fatherless and with a depressed mother. Another battle is thrown her way her freshman year, she get diagnosed with cancer. Since the minute she's diagnosed she goes through life as a zombie not caring about anything really anymore in her mind she believes she's going to die. Will a blonde haired boy with a rough life help her overcome this obstacle or will they both come crashing down?

**Setting**: Small town of 'Panem' in Indiana.

**Main Pairing**: Katniss/Peeta

**Rated**:** T**, maybe** M** in the future.

* * *

**Chapter I: Katniss Everdeen**

"_The most important thing in illness is never to lose heart._"

-Nikolai Lenin

* * *

My teeth clench as I'm awaken by joint pains and cold sweat running down my face. I can feel the hurling sensation up my throat and fight it back with every inch of my body. These feelings are common and welcomed. It would be strange and foreign to ever wake up without them, to wake up in a place where I don't have to feel the aches, where I don't have to worry about the pain.

"Honey, do you want to go to the library?" My mom asks, moments later opening my curtains letting some sunshine come through.

I cover my eyes to the all of a sudden bright room I have and shake my head no. My mom sits at the foot of my bed for a second before she makes her way in front of me. "It'd be good, you know," she says, petting the side of my check.

"Mom." I plead. I don't want to do anything other than just lay here.

She's fighting an internal conflict, I can tell by the way her eyes look everywhere else but me. She's either fighting between begging me to get out of bed or letting me be. She opens her mouth to say something but closes it instantly. Instead she continues to stroke my cheek. I don't want to let her down; or anyone down for that matter. My mom's done too much for me to push away her simple request, and it's not like we don't go to the library weekly.

"Later." I promise, giving her a small smile of my own.

Her eyes widen and she nods vigorously running her fingers across my swollen cheek and places a soft kiss in the middle of my forehead. She pulls the blanket up to my chin and gets up to continue her morning routine now that I've promised I'll get out of bed later. I ask her something but she doesn't catch it so I repeat myself, "Can we visit Prim, soon?" I ask.

She nods then tightly closes the door behind her. I close my eyes again and sleep quickly pulls me under.

I stir in bed waking up the second time today. But this time with the strong smell of oatmeal spreading across my nostrils. I grin and slowly manage to push myself up leaning against the headboard of my queen-sized bed. My mom walks in with a tray filled of soft foods I can handle. Foods that we both hope will not make a reappearance later in the day. On her days off it's usually this way. Ever since I was diagnosed my mother snapped out of the depression that she fell into. When my mother was told I had cancer she took a hold of her life all over again. Finally letting herself out of the goddamn trance she fell into. My father left my mother for another woman four years ago. The mistress living on the same street as us and everything._ Classy, right?_ When we came home one afternoon anything that was my father's was _gone_. We walked around our two story home to see nothing left of him except for a note. A note I never read. I knew what was happening, at the age of thirteen I was left fatherless.

My little sister, Prim, eventually forgave him. I never did. I just _couldn't_ put something like that in the past. Prim always seeing the good and myself always seeing the bad. It was just hard to forgive the man that left you with nothing but a note. Prim and I would always fed my mother and read her favorite books to her. On good days, the days she got out of bed, we would take her out for walks and strolls along the park or outdoor mall. The love I had for my mother grew _stronger_. I was dedicated with every beat of my heart to give her the love she couldn't get from the man she married, she was going to get that love from the daughter she gave life to.

Soon, the money started to dwindle down. That's when Prim and I knew it was time to make a trip to our grandmother, our mother's-mom. After we told her everything, Grandma was outraged at first. Furious that my mother was weak over the relationship they all knew she shouldn't have gotten into in the first place. But she softened a while after, she said she couldn't be mad completely. They have given her two beautiful granddaughters, and our grandparents helped us for years. They were the reason Prim and I were alive, the reason we were cared for.

A month before my fifteenth birthday my grandma said we could spend all day with her. She had bought Prim and I new bathing suits so we were eager to use them in her huge pool. When we got there she asked us to model the new bathing suits for us. We played around and acted like those tall skinny models on America's Next Top Model posing as if there was a runway. That's when my grandma noticed the bruises all over my back. I'm known to be a clutz in the family, I have no grace nor poise but these bruises weren't from falling. So, grandma said. She rushed me to the hospital that afternoon and that's when we found out. I had cancer. I, Katniss Everdeen, had leukemia. I didn't understand at first. I didn't have the slightest clue on how things were going to change but I was soon going to find out.

My mother constantly blamed herself, that somehow me having cancer was all her fault. But everyone knows it wasn't her fault, nor my fault, nor the world's fault.

_**Things happen for reasons that one can not explain**_.

After my father found out about her cancer daughter, he stepped up. After not talking to us for a whole four years he decided to squirm himself back into my life. I guess having a daughter with a deadly disease opens your eyes all of sudden that you've been a douche bag of a father. I'm well aware that he's paid for treatments and medicines and hospital bills, but I could care less. He wasn't there when my mom was falling into depression, the woman he once said he loved. Most importantly, he wasn't there to at least tell us where he was going, that he was leaving. He owed us at least _that_, we're his daughter for crying out loud.

Things started to change quickly. I was pulled out of school a week after I started chemotherapy. I was having a hard time not vomiting and not falling asleep everywhere. Two months later we moved into town, closer to the hospital just in case of an emergency.

"_Better safe than sorry_," grandpa always says.

Eventually, Prim had to move into our grandparents house because taking care of me starting to become too much. Prim wasn't getting the attention she needed. All my mother's effort were going to me and the job that paid all of hospital expenses. My father decided to move closer too, a far enough distance from us, but close enough to be there if I ever need anything. Not that I ever wanted anything from him.

When my mother started to work at the hospital again she was given her position back right away. She was very loved before she left. Even though my mom is suppose to be a full time doctor, they're very lenient on her because of me. Whenever she's not at the hospital I spend my time with my next door neighbor, Elizabeth Undersee, she's a very sweet stay at home mom. Whenever my mom needs to step out she's already downstairs cooking me foods my stomach can handle. But ever since I was diagnosed she treats me different. She's more careful around me. She makes sure not to curse around me as if I was a toddler and I never hear a single complain out of her anymore. Apparently, she has it better off than most. I use to complain about it to my mother at night but she said it's hard for people surrounding me.

_Yeah and here I thought it was hard to live with cancer but imagine having a neighbor with it._

After I was done chewing my food I pull out the book I'm suppose to turn in today from under my bed. I climb out of bed and decide to keep the jeans I hadn't bothered to take off yesterday and throw on a long-sleeved white shirt. I stumble to the bathroom and brush my teeth. I just stare at myself for a while. It's been a little over two years and I still haven't gotten use to it. The person in front of me isn't Katniss, it's Cancer-Katniss, atleast that's what I call myself now. I hate it because I know that I'm at least living my life. There's kid with my same illness as me and death is knocking on their door. But it still hurts to see how a sickness could take so much from you. My eyes aren't the piercing gray eyes they use to be, I have purple bags forming under my eyes, my skin isn't the olive tone that I love, and the one thing that breaks my heart is... I have no hair. I run my hand over my bald head.

I refused to go anywhere in public after I became bald. I was so embarrassed not because I cared what people thought, I never really have nor ever will. But I was so frustrated that I couldn't even braid my hair down my back anymore, my favorite hairstyle. My nurse Effie Trinket one day strolled in saying it was a "big big big, day for me. I was going to be 'stylish' again!" She then handed me a wig the same color as my hair use to be and hair length. It was long and smooth and it was actual human hair. I gave my nurse the tightest hug I could almost making myself faint, but I was just so thankful. I grew really fond of the thing and put it on everywhere we went. It actually made me look human.

I securely put the wig on my head and made my way down the stairs to see my mom fiddling with her phone on the couch. As if on cue, she raises her eyebrow. _Are you ready? _I just nod. She grabs her keys and we're out the door. Our car rides are usually spent ignoring each other, my mom's usually talking on her blue-tooth and I'll just read. But today as we both climb into the car it's spent quiet, the only thing making noise is the soft humming from the radio. I can tell my mom want to converstate but I'm usually so damn tired that she won't force me to exert effort if it isn't necessary.

As soon as we pull up my mom jumps out of the car and open the door for me. I grab the book and wince a little in my pain as I get out of the car, my knees buckle and legs feel like jelly and I don't think my medication will kick in fast enough but I have to remind myself _don't be weak, katniss. _I make my way into the building straight to the elevator with my mom on my heels, as it opens I push the buttons and wait. Once the doors part open my mom tells me she'll be by the computers. I just nod and make my way to where you usually see older citizens read, avoiding the teen sections completely. There's two things that set you apart from any other normal teens when you have cancer. One) you have cancer, and two) you physically look different.

I plop down on my usual seat when I get a text from my mother saying how she's really sorry but she's needed at the hospital and will try to pick me up as soon as she's done. I text her back saying it's understandable and that I'll just text Mrs. Undersee daughter, Madge Undersee. She happens to be both my neighbor and my only friend anymore. Before I was pulled out of school I wasn't the most popular kid but I was well-known. I had been placed into the Varsity Track and Cross Country team only being a freshman. Madge, who is the spiting image of her mother, both blondes, pale skinned accompanied with pale blue eyes, is the only person I would let see me sick, and I haven't seen her in two days.

I finally finish the book _Under a Yellow Moon_ and set it into my lap. I sit there for a couple seconds deciding which list I would place the book in. When you have all the time as I do you find yourself reading every single book you can get your hands on. I've read bad books, romantic books, children's books, gory books, and plain amazing one where you can't even place them into a category. This one was defiantly on the good list. . You'll never see me pick up a teen magazine as a normal teen would. Those stupid headlines trying to 'help girls with dates' or 'newest fashion' will never compare to the help or situation I'm put at the age of seventeen. I walk to the fiction section of the floor and come across the all too familiar book _Into your Eyes_, I go to the main lobby and check the book out. Then grab my phone from my baggy pocket. These jeans use to fit perfectly, once upon a time. But now they're nearly falling off.

**_Me_****, Hey Madge! Would you like to save a damsel in distress?**

**_Madge_****, Omg Kat, such a drama queen. You really need to stop reading so much! Where are you?**

**_Me_****, And you should start reading! I'm at the library.**

**_Madge_****, I'll pass on the offer... I'll be there in fifteen minutes, can you wait?  
**  
**_Me_****, I have nothing else to do, Madge...**

**_Madge,_**** Good.**

I stand by the front door until I can't bare to stand anymore. I walk out the front door and seat myself on the mahogany bench placed perfectly in front of the all too big library. I'm opening the book as a voice startles me.

"Into your eyes?" the voice asks, making my clumsy self drop the book.

I look up to see a tall light skinned boy, his piercing blue eyes boring into my weak gray ones, he has blonde curls falling in front of his forehead slightly. He's wearing a gray button-up shirt with dark jeans. _He's gorgeous._ He leans towards me and picks up the book that fell from my hands a couple seconds ago, "Sorry I think you dropped this." he speaks, while flashing me a big white toothed smile. My heart almost stops.

"Cat got your tongue?" he grins.

"No." I say, simply shaking my head. I know if I speak anymore it will come out in a stammer of incoherent words.

"Ahhh, so not much of a speaker?" he raises his eyebrow starting directly at me.

"No." I say, avoiding his eyes.

He plops down next to me and plays with the book then looks up to face the stars, "To say a person has a rough past is like saying a person was thrown under a bus and were ran completely over. There are no rough past, there are no hard exteriors. There are only people, people who have a story to tell," he says, turning his gaze to me.

"Y-you've r-r-read the b-book?" I stutter like a goddamn idiot.

_"Read the book_? I believe that is an understatement, miss. I praise this book. If it were a woman, I'd marry it." he states, grinning from ear to ear.

I let out a small snort and to my surprise recite my favorite quote from the book. "It's times like these where I want to freeze the world. Where I would want to live in them forever, not for anyone but ourselves. I want to pause every good thing in life and relive in them because that's when everything feel reals, when I look into your eyes."

"And that is my favorite quote from this book," he smiles, running his fingers through his blonde hair.

"Favorite book." I shrug.

"What are you doing outside?" he asks.

"My neighbor Madge is giving me a ride home. I'm just waiting."

"Madge Undersee?"

"Yes..."

"Hey, I know her! She goes to my school!" He rotates his body to me our knees touching. I hesitate for a second but look up to meet his eyes, "Don't tell me I'm hitting on a college girl! Now you certainly won't give me the time of day."

I feel a blush creeping onto my pale cheeks and let out a small snort. "No, I'm in the same grade as Madge. I do online school, it's a lot easier for me."

He lets out a sigh of relief. "Peeta," he extends his hand to me. "Peeta James Mellark."

_Even his name's lovely. _"Katniss," I say, taking his hand. "Katniss Everdeen."

He smiles brightly, "No middle name?"

"I have one."

"Then, what is it?" he arches his left eyebrow.

"Umm... a name."

"Oh, thank god! Had me thinking it was something else." I snort again. "You don't have to tell me. Maybe next time I see you."

A lump forms in my throat.

_Did he just say next time? _

Before I can say anything Madge comes to my rescue pulling up in her 2011 Pontiac she got for her 16th birthday. I was given a bookcase filled with books for my 16th birthday, somehow I felt luckier than her. Even though any normal teen would have wanted a car.

_You're not normal, remember_.

"Peeta?" she asks, as she runs to my side holding on to me as the sick girl she always make me out to be. "What are you doing here?"

"Keeping Katniss No Middle Name Everdeen here some company," he smiles.

She laughs, "No middle name? But its-"

"I'm okay, Madge. I can walk to the car." I interrupt.

She let's go of my side and points to the car indicating she will be waiting inside.

"So... see you soon?" he asks, with a hint of hopefulness in his voice that it almost makes my insides melt. _He wants so to see me soon._

"Um, sure. Okay." I shyly repsond.

"Do you need a ride, Peeta?" Madge asks, as she rolls down her window.

He raises his hand shaking car keys, "No, I'm okay."

"Well. See you soon, Katniss Everdeen." He flashes the same smile that made my heart almost stop. "Can't forget this now." he whispers, putting _Into your Eyes_ in my hands.

"Yeah, see you soon." I say, giving him a small smile.

"See you tomorrow, Madge." He waves.

"Bye Peeta!"

I let out a breath I haven't realized I was holding and climb into the car, resting my head on the window.

"How do you know Peeta?" Madge practically beams.

"Um. I don't. I was waiting outside and he quoted the book he just handed to me."

"Awwwwww! Nerdy love," she squeals.

"We don't love each other, Madge."

"You could! You know if you-"

"No one can love me, Madge! Look at me! No one can love me! Maybe Katniss had a chance at love but Cancer-Katniss doesn't. I will be dead someday and everyone will move on."

Madge starts to softly tear up and I instantly feel bad for even saying that. Madge is the only person I haven't pushed away other than Finnick and I think saying that to her just might.

"Madge... I'm sorry. I-I didn't mean it." I say.

She wipes a few tears and parks in front of my house, "No, I'm sorry Katniss. I don't know how it feels to have cancer. It's just the way you were talking to Peeta. I-It made me so happy for you. I felt like maybe, just maybe, you could let him in."

"I don't even know him." I state.

"You could!" she gives me a small smile. "Want me to give your the 411 on him?"

I don't really want to know the 411 on this boy but something about him sure makes my heart stop. Madge looks at me with bright eyes and I know that I can't deny her this small quest, she's generally being a good friend and if I didn't have an illness killing me I would jump at the occasion.

Before I can make up any type of excuse I give her a reassuring smile, "Only if you make that veggie meal your mom's so good at."

"Deal!" she turns off her car and like everyone rushes to the passenger side to open my door.

She moves around the kitchen knowing exactly where everything is and begins to cook the meal I requested.

"His name's Peeta Mellark," she smiles. "He's in our grade and is on the football and soccer team," she winks. I let out a small laugh. "He's gorgeous. Girls pretty much fall head over heels for him but he never gives anyone the time of day. I mean he'll talk to them but never makes plans. You know the way he did with you."

I blush a little, "I haven't been in school for almost two years. When did he come around?"

"He was new to our school when this year started. He moved here from New York."

"Why would he want to come to Indiana?"

"I asked the same thing. He just said somethings are easier unexplained so I let him be. He has two older brother, they're twins. I don't remember their names but they're Seniors. He's pretty smart, I always see him reading a new book in English class," she smiles towards me and begins to stir the steaming vegetables. "Maybe he read as much as you."

"I find that hard to believe." I snort.

Madge stops talking about Peeta and cooks the rest of the meal. We spend hours in front of the Television watching old American Idol seasons as we yell at Simon for being so rude to the singers we love. At ten, my mom walks through the front door to see me and Madge have fallen asleep on the couch. She gently wakes us both up. Madge grabs her keys and turns to me, "Just think about it, Kat. You did say 'see you soon'. He could be good for you," then she places a kiss on my cheek.

My mom helps me up the stairs and settles the round of medicine and water next to my night stand. I pull the wig off placing a warm hat over my head and change into actual pajamas this time, then swallow the pills. My mom hands me the book I checked out, gives me a kiss on the forehead and whispers goodnight.

Instead of starting to re-read the book I skim around it. I finally find the quote the blue-eyed boy had recited to me and read it over and over again. Before I know it my eyes are starting to feel heavily and droop slightly. The last thing I see is the white toothed smile before I lose consciousnesses.


	2. Chapter II

**Chapter II: Peeta Mellark**

"_My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me_."

- Jim Valvano

* * *

"PEETA JAMES MELLARK!"

I grab a pillow and cover my head with to muffle out the sound of one of my older brothers calling me from down the stairs.

'PEETA!" They yell again.

_Can't they just climb the stairs and tell me what he whats? _I groan. I use my hands to wipe away the sleep from my face and turn to face the clock. _6:30. _I let out another groan, we don't have to be in school for another two hours. I grab the pillow once again and dive back into the position I was sleeping in.

"Peeta!" The voice yells. I cock my head to see my brother, Tom, at the doorway impatiently bobbing his right leg up and down in irritation.

"What?" I groan. "It's six-thiry. What can you possibly want?"

"For you to get ready for school. I'm going to pick up Lavinia." He states.

"What does that have to do with me? I'll just get a ride to school from Rye." I say, turning my back to him and pushing the blanket over my head.

"I don't think so, little brother. Rye didn't make it home yesterday. I think he stayed at Lisa's house. So if you want to go to school I suggest you get up. I'm leaving at seven."

"Why didn't he come?"

"You already know that question."

"Fuck. He's only been dating her for two weeks!"

"That doesn't matter to him in two weeks he'll be at some other girls house at this time with me waiting for you to get ready so we can leave."

"I need a car."

"Hey, if you would have called dibs like Rye before-"

"Don't you dare say that." I interrupt, with a voice so cold you could feel the temperature drop.

"Sorry." He mumbles.

"I'll just walk. I don't feel like watching you and Lavinia suck each other's faces before breakfast." I state, grabbing a towel from my night stand.

"Suit yourself. I'm still not leaving until seven if you need a ride." He says, walking into the hallway closing the door behind him.

I step out of my bed and go towards the closet at the other side of my room. _Call __dibs? How could I do that. _I grab a white t-shirt, clean boxers, ripped jeans, and whatever socks my sleepy eyes can find and throw it on my bed. I open my door slightly and walk towards the bathroom. I instantly turn on the shower and shift the knob to hot. I sit on the toilet and wait for the steam to gather around the bathroom as I usually do. How am I suppose to call dibs on a car that belonged to our dad? _Our dying dad. Rye's such a heartless idiot. _The steam is starting to bounce around off the walls as I shred my pajamas. I glide myself into the shower and let the hot water pour down my scarred back.

"Peeta! I'm leaving!" Tom bangs on the bathroom door.

"I said I was walking!" I yell, as I turn off the water and wrap a towel around my core.

"Fine. Just don't be late! We don't need you to piss off mom." He says, through the closed door.

I bundle my clothes around my arm and throw the door open making sure it makes a slamming sound against the wall. "What does she care?" I yell, into his face. "She's probably going to be in the arms of a different man tonight!"

"Peeta, I know this is hard for you. It's hard for _all of us_ but you taking out your anger out on me it isn't going to bring dad back from the dead!" He yells, throwing his arms up.

If looks could kill Tom would be dead on the floor this minute. I can tell he wants to take those words back. The way he repeatedly opens and closes his mouth. His eyes are full of regret because he knows he's hit a raw spot. I push him away from the opening of the bathroom door and walk rapidly into my room making sure to lock the door behind me.

None of us have talked about dad since he died, but Tom and Rye aren't idiots they know this has been harder for me. They know this because they weren't there when dad's hand went lifeless, they weren't with him when he took his last breaths, _they just weren't there_. I was and I had to be there to witness my dad's life slip away. I was there to see him go out cold without a chance of gaining back consciousness. _"It's okay, son." He said as he shifted to look me in the eyes. "My life is slipping away peacefully. I feel no pain and I'd rather leave here in peace and with the happiness I had my last days than continue to live in a world with pain."_ Dad told me he loved me and how I was going to grow up to be a wonderful man, that he believed I would bring nothing but good to a lucky girl someday. He told me to never forget who I am and never let anyone change me. He kept talking until it physically hurt. Everyone says I was lucky. That I got to say goodbye but that's not true. I didn't say goodbye. I yelled and cried and told him he couldn't leave me._ That he just couldn't._ Then his eyes fluttered shut and he was gone.

I can hear Tom on the other side talking to me, but I won't listen. I plug in my iHome and blast the first song that comes on to drown his speaking. After a minute the banging from the other side of the door stops and the screams slowly dies out I start to change into the clothes I laid out. Then I hear a car come alive out of my bedroom window and I know he's gone. And I know it's safe for me to cry.

/

I've been playing with a rock kicking it in front of me for the last fifteen minutes when a car halts in front of me.

"Peeta!" I hear from my left side to see a confused looking black-haired teenager.

"Hey, Gale." I say, as I cock my head down to the rolled down window.

"Do you need a ride?"

"You know, that'd be nice. At this rate I'll make it to school when it ends."

He throws his head against the drivers seat and laughs then unlocks the door. "You look like you walk like a snail, quarterback."

I slip into the passenger seat and punch his arm, "That's Mr. Quarterback." I joke.

"Why are you walking anyways?" He arches his eyebrow as he shifts to drive.

"The twins were busy." I huff out a breath.

"Must be to let you walk to school. You do realize you were still a good thirty minutes away." He laughs. "School starts in ten and we have practice after school today."

"Yeah, don't need a reason for the school to call my mom." I say, shifting my backpack from my lap to the floor.

"What's your first class, anyways?" Gales ask, as he turns his right signal on to turn into our large school.

My eyes land on a scowling Johanna her chocolate brown hair pulled back into a ponytail with bangs slightly covering her right eye, she's fidgeting with the hem of her navy blue shirts as she's leaning on her car, obviously waiting for her boyfriend. Gale's eyes light up as we pull up to the parking spot next to her. "Physics." I answer, even though my answer will go unheard. Gale's eyes are all over Johanna and in a couple seconds I know his tongue will be too.

Gale nods obviously pretending that he heard what I said as he shifts from 'Drive' to 'Park' and shuts off his car. I grab my backpack from the floor as I close the passenger door and throw it over my right shoulder.

"Hi, Jo." I say, as Gale jumps out of the car and places his overly large hands on her hips and kisses her on the corner of her mouth.

Johanna gives me a small wave, "See you in P.E, Peeta."

"See you, Jo." I smile. "Thanks for the ride, Gale."

I turn on my heels quickly before I can witness any tongue wrestling before first period. It's not as the whole school has never seen them kiss before. Whenever Gale and Johanna aren't fighting they make it very obvious with their PDA all over our school's hallways. After a million and one detentions they've gotten the small time I've been here I would think they'd cut it short but I quickly learned Johanna and Gale aren't one to follow the rules, the rebel at all costs.

"Peeta!"

I turn to look who's calling me as I climb the stairs to the main entrance of the school to see a brightly smiling Madge, her curly hair bouncing as she climbs the steps towards me. I lean my body against the rail and wait for her petite legs to catch up to me. As soon as she's next to me we continue up the couple steps left, "Are you ready for that Physics test?" I ask, as I open the door for the both of us.

"There's a test?" Her eyes widen in pure shock.

I left out a small laugh and poke her side, "No, I'm just joking."

Madge lets out a frustrated grunt before her small fist makes contact with my right shoulder, "Don't scare me like that!" The she stomps away to our Physics class leaving me a couple steps behind her.

I walk into the room smiling but it quickly falls as I see Glimmer with her face caked in make-up sitting right next to my seat. Usually a quiet sly red-head sits next to me but whenever Glimmer takes her seat she doesn't say anything but finds somewhere to sit. I'd really wish Arial would just stand up to her. I run my hands through my blonde locks and place a fake smile on my face as I sit in the seat next to Glimmer. She stops flipping through her magazine as she sees me take out my physics book.

"Good morning, Peeta." Glimmer says, flashing me a smile. I can practically smell every ounce of perfume she put on this morning.

"Hi, Glimmer." I smile.

"There's a party this weekend." She shifts her chair closer to mine as she puts her manicured hand on my arm. "You should come, I'll be there."

"Where?" I ask, trying to sound every bit of interested I'm really not. It's not like this is the first time Glimmer has invited me to a social gathering but every time I do show up she tries to get me in a room alone with her.

"You know Cato, right?" I nod. "Well, of course you do." She face palms her forehead then lets out a fake giggle. "You're only on the same team as him! Well, his house this Saturday."

"I'll try to make it." I say, as I give her a small wink.

"Yay!" She beams, as she shifts back into her seat the second the bells rings.

Mrs. Mags comes in talking about yesterday's lesson but I immediately tune her out. My writing hand is whisking away at the sheet in front of me. I hadn't realized I was actually drawing someone until I was fully concentrated on getting the right amount of light on the eyes I was sketching. My heart stops as I realize I was drawing the shy girl from yesterday night.

It would be a lie if I said I wasn't drawn to her person the moment I laid my eyes on her. I was going back in forth from 'Fiction' to 'Non-Fiction' when my eyes landed on a short girl, legs crossed, and nose deep in '_Under a Yellow Moon_', First it stuck out to me that she wasn't reading in the teen section they have in the massive library but where older folks sit down, and I don't know what it was about her that my eyes just couldn't leave her. When she stood up I made sure to hide behind a shelf grabbing a book quickly as she made her way to another book. I also followed behind her checking out the book in my hand. It wasn't a surprise to me that she didn't pay any attention to me, it made it easier to look at her anyways. But the moment she sat outside on the bench it was hard for me to keep my mouth shut, so in a way I feel like it was a blessing that her hands where clutched to my favorite book, '_Into your Eyes_.' The small conversation I had with her made more at ease than I've been since I've moved here. On my drive home, my mind was clouded with her gray eyes. It wasn't until I got home that I realized the book I checked out was in Dutch.

The bell rang and every one jumped out of there seat. I shuffled the paper into the green folder laying out on my desk and threw it into my backpack.

My next three classes go the same, every class period I try to make the picture of Ms. Katniss Everdeen better and better._ Maybe one day I can show her._ The bell signals it's time for lunch and it takes every ounce of me not to run straight to the cafeteria. My feet shuffle to my locker as I pass a few of my peers that say my name in acknowledgement. I smile and wave to every single one. I smoothly turn the combination knob of the large red locker and throw my morning books in and exchange them for the two classes I have left. As I'm about to close my locker a bronzed haired male, named Finnick pats my back leaning against the locker next to mine.

"Ready for practice after school, star pupil?" He arches his eyebrow.

"I really wish you stop calling me that, Finnick." I laugh, shutting the locker close.

"You love it." He laughs, turning me the way the Cafeteria faces. "I heard Gale saved you from having to walk all the way here."

"Yeah. The twins had different plans this morning." I shrug, pulling the door open to the Cafeteria.

Voices fill the whole room as Finnick whispers closely to my ears, "Delly told me Rye slept over Lisa's house, they were probably getting it on." He winks.

I push Finnicks arms and shake my head at him. The last thing I want to think about it Rye getting anything on. We see a skinny auburn-haired girl with the name of Annie waving us over to our usual table. Her deep sea-green eyes completely light up the moment her eyes see Finnick. I quickly place my backpack next to Madge's and say a quick 'Hi' to Annie as I run over to the lunch line.

"Hungry much?" Madge asks, walking out the girl's bathroom and placing herself behind me in the long line.

"Starved." I pat my stomach giving her a wide smile.

"Do your parents feed you?" She jokes.

I feel the blood run cold from my face to her question. My first reaction is to cough. It's a habit I've grown accustoms to over the years whenever someone would ask me an uncomfortable question. So automatically my left hand covers my mouth as I continue to fake cough.

"Are you okay?" She asks, her eyebrows furrowing in the middle.

"Yeah." I scratch the back of my head. "Just been feeling a little under the weather."

"You should go to the doctor, Peeta." She says, placing her hand over my forehead. "You don't seem to be running a fever but you're pale."

I shake my head and give her a reassuring smile, "I'll be fine, Madge. I promise if I continue to feel this way I'll make a doctor's appointment myself."

She seems convinced enough as she smiles back. We both reach for a green tray laid out in front of us in stacks, today we're being served pizza. I go for two pepperoni slices and she grabs a plain cheese slice. We both grab a sprite soda can and pay for our meals. Madge is mindlessly chatting about how hard the Physics lesson was this morning. Once we reach our table I place my tray and start to devour every piece of pizza that fits in my mouth.

"So, is it true?" Johanna asks, as she sets her own tray down with Gale a step behind her. "You're going to Cato's party this weekend with Glimmer?"

Madge chokes on her sprite a little and turns to me with wide eyes. "You're going to a party as Glimmer's date?" She asks.

Finnick laughs at Madge's expression before his eyes are fully on me, "Don't keep us waiting, Peet. Are you?"

Gale places his tray on the white table and sits next to Johanna as he stares at every single one of us before he breaks the silence, "What's going on? Did I miss something?"

"Peeta's going on a date with Glimmer." Annie finally speaks up.

"You're what?" Gale asks, his voice full of surprise.

"No." I answer him simply as I open the can of sprite and take a long sip out of it. All eyes still on me and I place it onto the table. "She asked if I wanted to go to a party this weekend, I said I'd try to go. Not that I was going to go with her." I shrug.

"Leave it to Glimmer to gloat about plans that weren't even made." Jo smirks. "Through out all of English class she kept saying how she was sooooooooo lucky to be going on a date with the hot Quarterback Peeta Mellark."

"No offence to you or anything but she's kind of a whore all she wants is to look good on the latest athlete. Last year she was all over Marvel." Madge says.

"I'm not interested in her. I just didn't want to be rude to her, I wasn't raised to flat out reject girls. I don't even feel like going to Cato's party."

"We have a gentlemen." Johanna smirks.

"You're going to that party." Gale says. "Cato throws the best party's in all of the school."

"And it's a pretty big school." Annie smiles.

"Yeah, you're definitely going. Just not with Glimmer take Madge here." Finnick smiles.

Madge eyes widen at the sound of her name and shake her head, "I'm going with Thom."

"Aw, sucker finally had the nerve to ask you somewhere." Johanna jokes. "Just show up by yourself Peeta or if you really want Glimmer to leave you alone, pick a girl. I'm pretty sure any girl in this school would say yes."

I just nod and go back to taking long sips of my sprite can. If I were to go to that party I was definitely going alone unless I build the courage to ask a certain brown-haired girl.

/

"Hello?" I shout, as I swing the front door open. Silence is my reply, I should have known the moment I saw the front porch light off. It's the first thing any of us do the moment we glide through the front door. I kick my shoes off as they hit the wall nearest to the door and I walk through the kitchen. I flicker the switches on and throw the fridge door open. My eyes spot a Tupperware bowl filled of last night Ravioli, I place the bowl on the island as I reach for a white plate. Then move over the the microwave, the clock reads seven o'clock as I place the plate inside and the number '3'. I look through the pile of mail set on the counter next to the fridge knowing none of it is for me but it's a way to spend time.

Once the microwave beeps I rapidly grab the plate and walk towards our living room. I rummage through the seats to finally find the remote control and switch on to 'American Idol' reruns. When I was little our whole family use to gather around to watch the show as we ate our dinner. _How things change_. I'm sucked into the series that I hadn't noticed Rye was standing off to the side of the living room entrance.

"How'd you get home?" He asked.

"Finnick gave me a ride home after practice." I say, shifting from one side of the couch to the other throwing the remote control to him. "You watch something, I'm going to use the car." I say, standing up from the couch.

"Keys are on the kitchen's island!" He screams, as I'm out of the living room grabbing my black converse from the floor. I swiftly double knot them and run into the kitchen to fetch the keys, my eyes quickly check the clock. _8:12_. I open the garage door as my dad's BMW comes into full view. I slide into the drivers seat and slowly put the car into drive. I mostly drive around in circles before I let myself drive on the main streets.

As I'm putting gas into the car my eyes land on a small record store right across the street. Once I'm done I safely drive over and park the car into the small parking lot.

I walk in and my eyes shift to a familiar head of hair rummaging through a bin of large records. I slowly put my hand through my blonde locks and fidget with my shirt straightening out the wrinkles.

"Weird to see you here." I say, over her shoulder closely to her ear.

By the way she jumps I can tell she isn't use to people sneaking up on her the way I just did. She takes a deep breath before she pivots on her heels to face me. Gray eyes meet blue eyes and I look down on her not noticing before that she's almost a foot shorter than I am, and give her a wide grin. Her eyes flutter around my face and when they widen a bit I can tell she remembers who I am.

"Hi." Katniss says, with a small voice.

"What are you doing here so late at night?"

"Um. I-I come here after I visit my mom in the hospital." She says, softly.

My eyes drop from her gaze the moment she speaks the words. I feel my heart clench the same way it use to when I was asked where I was going and I had to respond 'visiting my sick father.'

"I'm so sorry." I blurt out, my eyes finally meeting hers once again. "Is she okay?"

She nods. "She's not sick, it's okay. She's a doctor there."

_Oh, thank god. _I pretend to be wiping sweat from my forehead, "Phew. Can't have a beautiful girl's mom be sick, now can we?" I wink at her.

Her eyes tell me she's not use to compliments. The way they widen the moment I said 'beautiful'. Her lips twitch for a second before they lift gracefully into a breathtaking smile. _She's giving me an actual smile_. A smile where her white shinning teeth are glistening. "What are _you _doing here?" She asks.

"Had to get out of my house." I shrug. "Want to walk around with me?"

I can see her hesitate as she looks anywhere but my eyes. "I promise I won't hurt you."

"Okay." She smiles.

We stroll down the sidewalk our shoulders almost touching with the moon shining on our faces. I don't know what it is about Katniss that makes me want to know everything about her. But it's as if she has this gravitational pull that reels me in. I keep my gaze looking down on her. She's honestly _so_ beautiful. She has big gray eyes, a small button nose, her lips are small and pink but plump, and she has long chocolate brown hair. Hair, I want to run my fingers through. She notices me looking at her and she stops in her track to meet my eyes.

I awkwardly clear my throat and scratch the back of my neck. "So, it's next time. Are you going to tell me your middle name yet?"

"I hate my middle name." She says, frowning.

"Why?" I ask. "It can't be that bad. I won't laugh."

"My father gave it to me."

"Oh..."

After a long walk filled with a strange but comfortable silence we reach a small bench in front of a dimmed light post. I plop down at the sight of it and she silently places herself next to me.

"He left us." She lets out.

My head snaps towards her direction.

"What?"

"My father. He left us for another woman, that's why I don't tell you my middle name. That's why I hate it." She speaks, her lips in a thin line.

I'm speechless. As I come to the realized of why someone would hate the name their own father would give them. It's no secret my father named me after two of his favorites names in the world and I proudly flaunt that name like a prize possession. But My heart starts to sink knowing that someone who's suppose to be your role model the person you look up to just left her. How can someone just leave their wife and kids for someone else? Especially someone as beautiful as Katniss Everdeen. That is no way a woman nor children should ever be treated.

"I-I don't know what to say. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. There's nothing left to say. My life is full of sorrys, you don't have to apologize. It's really okay. It's better this way. Just my mom and I." She smiles, kindly.

"That's very brave you know. I don't think I would be able to just live on my own with my mother." I let out a small chuckle. God knows my mother and I have never been on good terms.

"Thank you." She says, as her she plays with her fingers. "I don't usually talk to people that aren't Madge, you know."

"Why not?"

"Everyone just treats me different and I hate it." She sighs. "Then there's you. You talk to me so simply, it's just so different. It's nice."

"I don't see anything wrong with you, Katniss Everdeen." I smile.

"Thank you." She smiles back and slowly stand up from where she was seated. "I should be getting home soon."

"Let me drive you home." I plead, _She is not walking home alone_. "I wouldn't want you to walk home by yourself. It's already dark out. Plus, your Madge's neighbor, correct?"

She gives me a small nod and watches me as I stand up from the bench. "This way, Ms. Everdeen." I let out my arm, and she does something I wouldn't expect from her, she giggles - a real one too. Not like the one Glimmer displayed earlier and loops her arms through mine. We walk back to the car in silence, something I don't mind. If Katniss Everdeen wants to speak I'll let her speak, I'm just happy she is at least letting me take her home. As the car appears into view I press the unlock button of the car keys and open the passenger seat for her. She glares at me and mutters something about 'how she could do it herself'.

I jump into the driver's seat and watch as her small delicate fingers mess around with the radio. They look so graceful just messing around with a small knob searching for something to listen too. A classical song comes into hearing and she places her hand onto her lap, and my eyebrow go up in surprise.

"Didn't pick me out as classical music listener, did you?" She asks, smiling.

"Not at all." I laugh a little. "Now, you're going to have to freshen my mind on how to get to Madge's house. I've only been there once." Leaving out the facr that I didn't even drive there. The car ride was a lot like our walk except she hums along to the notes everyone once in a while in hush tone and gives me directions on how to get to her house.

"This one right here." She smiles, as she unbuckles her seat belt. Her face turns to me before her hands open the car door. "Thank you, Peeta."

Her legs are about to swing out of the car but my voice stops her, "Katniss?"

She seems startled but turns her eyes to mine, "Yes?"

"Do you want to do this again?" I ask, scratching the back of my head. _Stupid nervous habit_. "I promise I won't scare you this time."

Her eyes stare at my face with a blank expression. _I shouldn't have asked. I should have just let her go inside. Now she's going to regret me. God, I'm so stupid._

"I'd like that." She finally says, breaking my negative thoughts away. "See you soon, Peeta." With those words she slides her legs out of the car and closes the car door carefully behind her. My eyes never leaving her, she finally opens up her front door and turns to give me a small wave as she strolls into her two story house.

_She'd like that. She's going to see me soon._

There was no doubt in my mind that I was going to fall asleep with a smile plastered on my face.


	3. Chapter III

**A/N**: I re-edited the first two chapters of the story to fix the whole years and little details I felt that were important so feel free to reread it if not, they weren't drastic changes either. I also decided to have Katniss be close to someone else other than Madge. I finally have the outline of how I want this story to go so there will be quicker updates! I'm so exited. Expect one by the end of this week!

* * *

**Chapter III: Katniss Everdeen**

"_Look at the sky: that is for you. Look at each person's face as you pass on the street: those faces are for you. And the street itself, and the ground under the street, and the ball of fire underneath the ground: all these things are for you. There are as much for you as they are for other people. Remember this when you wake up in the morning and think you have nothing._"

**— **Miranda July

* * *

I sit still my head pressed against my soft pillow. My body shivering uncontrollably and I feel the bile coming up my throat.

_I am going to die..._

The same thought always lingering through my blank mind. There's nothing I can possible do to ever stop this. I've been in out of remission since my body possessed this poison and every time there's that silver lining of hope - it shreds through my skin and throws me brawling into the upsetting world of medication with doctor's poking me with tools telling me everything was going to be okay. But we all know that's not true. We all know that I just have to sit and grit my teeth through it all. I have to bare more pain than a human should bare in a lifetime. We're all aware that one day there's going to be life without Katniss Everdeen. Everyone I have come to contact ever in life is going to have to pick their hearts from the floor and move on. They're going to try and hold on to the memories that are attached with my body and try to remember my voice, my smell, my smile, my skin, my words, my annoying laugh. Then slowly over time it will disappear. I will become the girl that didn't win against cancer. I will go away with the sunset, the warmth will escape my tired body, and I will join the other side. There won't be a fragile girl waiting to be taken, because she will be gone.

"Done upchucking, sweetheart?" A gruff voice asks me.

"I wish..." I mumble, my head turning away from the tub in front of me. "You should really stop it with that thing," I tell him, receiving a hefty laugh from him. The man before me smirks and swings the flask before his mouth once more. He's not allowed to drink anymore. Ever since his body was consumed with our deathly fate but it somehow calms him to pretend he does. Pretending that he's normal, pretending that we all are. His weak gray eyes like mine and pale skin become paler by the days until one day we'll be no color at all, his forty year old body getting more tired and weaker with the tick-tock sounds of our clocks. But pretending, it's something that will get us through our day or even the rest of our numbered lives. A month after I was diagnosed I tried going on jogs again, I had to call my mom and tell her to pick me up from the park about ten blocks from home. When I climbed into the car I cried my heart out because it hit me like a million pounds of bricks that I wasn't normal anymore. That as much as I wanted to resume a life before this horrible thing I wasn't allowed to, my body physically prevented it. The same body that allowed me to win so many meets and medals was pulling me under, throwing me into bashful failure never being able to do something that came so easy to me before.

"Why?" He asks, eyeing me up and down. "It's the only shit that keeps me sane."

"And here I thought it was me," I joke.

This gets a chuckle out of him, "Don't flatter yourself, sweetheart. I'm obviously here for the refreshments." He says, bobbing that stupid flask in his hand.

"Uh-huh," I reply, before I feel more bile coming up my throat. I squeeze my eyes shut as I prepare for it. When I received my first round, I would cry from the agony, from the embarrassment, from the hurting throat, from all the things that were coming out of my body. But now I bare through it, I shut my eyes and wait for the next upbringing. the closest I feel to being uncomfortable is the passing patients that will soon enough have this upcoming fate. I know I do whenever I pass this god awful section of our floor. Hear the gagging and tears through the walls knowing that one of these days it will be me in this position. Sitting at a bedside hunched over, freeing my body from it's toxins. My mom use to sit with me and comfort me, rub my back, making cooing sounds into my ear but I'm so use to it that I don't even need her here anymore. Sooner or later she won't have to worry about me.

"I didn't know such a tiny body could throw up so much food?" He says. "What the hell does your mother feed you?"

"Whatever I can muster into this goddamn body." I snap.

Before he can even answer Rue flies into the room and places herself next to me. Poor little Rue only twelve years suffering through the same thing I am. Not knowing when her days were going to be cut short. I love her as much as I love my own sister, Primrose. Both are the reason the I'm okay, keeping me sane and light on my toes with their singing and dancing around. I envy Rue for that, so full of life even if hers will flash before her big round eyes at any moment. "Katniss!" She beams, resting her head on shoulder. "I missed you."

"I missed you too, little bird," I say, patting her knees. "What are you doing here?"

"I start chemo in an hour," My stomach churns. "Your mother told me you were here. I decided I would stick around."

"I wouldn't," says Haymitch. "Girls been throwing up like there's not tomorrow."

Rue pokes her small rosy tongue at him, "That's okay. Katniss is strong. She'll get through it easily, _Hay_-mitch."

He growls and slumps into his chair. Rue always says his name as if it was two words. Haymitch always makes a big deal about it. How his name is only one word but deep down inside his stubborn heart I know that he like her pronunciation of his name. He staggers as he stand up and exists the 'hell hole' as he calls it. Probably going to use the restroom or find a doctor to fill his flask with soft orange juice, one of the only drinks our body can keep in. It's the soft kind, no pulp in it and completely natural.

"Are you okay, Katniss?" Rue asks, detaching her shoulder from my arm and making small circles onto the small of my back.

"I'm fine," I smile, weakly. "Just. so. tired." I say, between my stretched out yawn.

A small giggle escapes her small lips, "I can tell. You should really rest, Katniss. It'll be good for you."

"I will as soon as I can, little bird." I say, poking her tummy. "I promise."

She smiles brightly obviously satisfied with my words and continues to rub my back as I continue to upchuck every ten minutes or so for the next hour, until she has to leave. My thoughts blinding to how different a world would be to not be up against something so out of your control. How lovely it must be to wake up with a world that physical pain does not exist. Right now there's a little girl right now swinging on her swing giggling to her friends on how high she can go and encouraging her little friends to do the same. Without a care in the world just laughing along - how much I envy that little girl.

I hadn't noticed I fell asleep on the white hospital mattress until my doctor was rousing me from sleep. "Katniss," He spoke softly. "You're allowed to go home now dear. That's if you wake up." He chuckles. My hands fly to my eyes heavily rubbing the sleep away. "I'm still betting on you, dear." Dr. Cinna tells me, handing me the purple hat in front of him. "Just a couple more rounds and you'll be okay." He smiles brightly at me.

"Thank you," Kicking my legs off the bed and jumping on the hospital floor. My legs wobble a bit and my mind's mentally kicks itself._ I can't do that, my body's too weak._

"Your mother's in the lobby waiting for you," He says, grabbing a hold of my skinny arm. "Come on, I'll show you the way."

"Not that I need it," I snort. "I practically live here."

He smiles at me sadly walking me towards the Lobby. I know how much Dr. Cinna wants to say something or how much he wants to help me get a hundred percent better but there's only so much he can do. He preps me up for the medication for the treatments, makes sure my body's in-condition and in line but then everything is in the hands of my cancer, whether it will let me survive or not. It's like being a fattened up pig not knowing whether the butcher will pick you or if you'll be spared until next time. Before either of us say anything our feet land to the brightly-lit room and my eyes fall onto a blonde head of hair tied into a neat ponytail._ Prim_. Her tiny body runs to me and molds itself against my weak body. _Oh how much I missed my little sister_. "I missed you so much, Kat!" She yelps, I can feel the tears forming from the sound of her voice.

"Oh. I've missed you too, little duck," I say, kissing her forehead. "I've missed you so much."

I can see my mom talking to Dr. Cinna from the corner of my eyes. My mom's facial expression never changing, over the course of the years I still have no idea if that's a good thing or bad thing when it happens but I can't seem to care about it as my body snaps back into Prim's embrace.

"How have you been?" I ask her, pulling her into one of the more comfortable seats in the hospital's lobby.

"I've been okay and busy, Kat. You know grandma and grandpa," She smiles. "They've been keeping me really busy."

"Well, that's good. You need to stay busy," I tell her, pinching her cheek.

"How about you, Kat? How are you?"

"I-I'm okay, Prim," My big smile faltering. "I'm seriously fine."

I'm a terrible liar and if there's anyone to know better it's Prim but she doesn't pry into my thoughts or anything. I can't begin to tell her how tired I feel all the time, how sick I am of being a goddamn experiment for these doctors. Obviously having their good intentions, my survival. But Prim doesn't ask I know she won't unless it drives her crazy or she really really has to.

"I'm sleeping over," She grins. "Grandpa's picking me up in the morning for school. I have my bag packed in mom's car."

"Really?!"

"Yes! So we have to watch all the recordings you have of the latest reality show. Which one is it this week?" She asks. My little sisters know me too well.

"So you think you can dance," I smile.

"Yay!"

* * *

It's been three days since I've talked to the same blue eyed teenage boy who found me at the record store I spend countless hours at. I don't know what it is about him that pulls me into a comfortable ease but it's incredibly nice. It's like he opened a door in my life that only he had a key to, that only he could just wistfully walk towards me and start a conversation as if we've known each other for years. No awkward pauses, no weird emotions surging through my body. It was as if I was at a standstill with him, a little place where it was just me and him, and that's the thing I've never felt with anyone. I like the way he talks to me, so simple and generous and incredibly nice. I don't think he even notices it, the way he doesn't push any of it either. He doesn't treat me like a weak girl. He talks to me normally and seems to look past my weak state. It gives me the happiness that I've been lacking since I was thrown into this world, that someone can look past this and see me as _me_. That maybe someone can find Katniss deep down inside and not just see Cancer-Katniss in it's exterior form.

So this morning when my body wakes me to it's all too familiar shivers, it surprises me when I look at me screen to see my phone has receive a text message from an unknown number about three hours ago.

**_555-3253_, You know, seeing each other doesn't work when we don't have a way to communicate. I hope you don't mind that I pestered our friend Madge for your number the past three days. I finally got it though, Katniss (still unaware of your middle name) Everdeen. - PJM.**

I can't stop the unbelievable grin that forms on my lips. _He's been asking Madge for my number for the past three days_. My thumbs presses onto the number on my screen and I press 'Add to Contacts' and carefully type in 'Peeta' as fast as my bony fingers will allow me. I look up at the clock of my phone and see that it's ten in the morning. Prim will be long gone at school by now and he'll be in his third period class by now. Almost half way through his long school day.

_**Me**_,** You know where I live. That doesn't seem like no type of communication to me.**

I lift myself off the bed and make my way to my tiled bathroom. I carefully strip from my pajamas that Prim helped me get into last night, leaving me in my bra and underwear. I head over to the bathroom splashing nice cold water onto my face as I draw a bath for myself. As the water starts to overflow in my tub I hear the _ding!_ that comes for my cell phone.

**_Peeta_, You're right. But how would you feel if one day I pulled up to your drive way and when you open your door you're in nothing but your pajamas? Actually... that doesn't seem so bad anymore. I'll do that one day, be prepared ;)**

I can feel the heat rising up my hollow cheeks. The conversation throws me into a tailspin of emotions, this seems like flirting and it's not something someone really does with _me_. Someone never let alone gets to know who I really am, and here is this perfect blonde haired guy who can basically get _any_ girl because of his looks and he's giving me out of all people the time of day, _which_ is according to Madge not something he does to just about anyone.

_**Me,**_** On second thought you're correct. Good thing you did get my number.. No pajama view for you. Sorry :)**

I re-read the simple text several times before I build the courage to press send, I quickly check on the tub to see it's almost full and as my hand grips the knob to turn it off I see an instant reply.

**_Peeta_, Awh and here I thought you'd get excited at the idea! So... seeing each other? Can that be soon? :))**

God, this boy has my nerves scattered. Why on heaven would he want to see me... and soon at that? I fidget around with my fingers comtemplating what to even answer. I can say as soon as possible because there's not denying I like being in the company of Peeta James Mellark but.. I don't want to seem too eager.

_What do I say? What do I say?_

Screw it.

**Me, Soon would be great :]**

* * *

"He doesn't know, does he?" Madge ask, poking at the salad in front of her. She's never been a fan of healthy food.

"Know what?" I ask, chewing on my tomato's skin.

"That you... you know." She swallows a big sip of her cold water, her hands shaking nervously.

"I know?" I arch an eyebrow.

Madge lets out an awkward cough before exhaling profoundly, "That you have cancer, Katniss."

_Oh, that I know._

"It's obvious that I do, isn't it?" I say, shoving a spoonful of my salad into my mouth.

"But have you told him? Does he know?" She asks, her voice becoming frantic.

"Why don't I just wear a big old t-shirt that says 'Look at me I'm dying!' on," I snap.

"Kat..." She frowns. "That's not what I meant. It's just... you're meeting him tomorrow again, aren't you?"

I nod, avoiding her gaze.

I don't want to tell Madge how much part of me just wants him to _know_. That there shouldn't be an awkward conversation about it. How does '_Hey Peeta, thanks for hanging out with me. By the way, I have cancer_.' sound? It doesn't exactly roll of the tongue. It's just so easy when we text or that last time we hung out. It was a simple walk to the park and spent swinging on swings but it was more than I ever imagined to do with a boy, really. The time was sweet and it didn't seem anything more than genuine on his behalf. He doesn't treat me as if his time was a charity case like people do around me. Treating me like it's some sort of blessing that they're spending time with the girl with cancer, the girl dying. Like people do when they volunteer at the hospital.

The whole time we exchanged questions and words. Learning that he indeed does participate in school sports, is the younger one of two siblings, and moved here with them and his mother. Then other things, how his favorite color is the mute shade of orange, like the sunset. The sunset also being his favorite thing in the world along with painting. It was probably my favorite thing about him to learn because it somehow showed me how he enjoys something people normally take for granted. I like learning the type of music he likes to listen to and how he likes to eat his pizza. It's little things that we would tell each other throughout our conversations to keep us talking, and I didn't mind the pictures he would send me every once in a while of something hilarious he would find on the internet.

It's just so simple as if the girl before the inevitable disease is coming back. No doubts in my mind that my body always hurts and that my stomach churns whenever I smell too strong of foods but I feel so normal when it comes to him.

I feel new and simple, I feel _alive_.

"Great time to tell him you know," She offers a weak smile. One that doesn't completely reach her eyes.

"Katniss!" I hear my name coming from my mother's mouth, I turn to face her and see a tall bronzed haired male walking right behind her petite frame. "Finnick's here."

Madge was surprised out of her mind at first when she found out that Finnick was the only other person I told about my leukemia. She never understood the way I did. I met him when I was proudly presented onto the girl's Varsity Track Team my freshman year. He came up behind me and whispered "You looked like a Girl on Fire out there. Got any secrets worth my time?" I scoffed and fled to the girl's locker room. At first I avoided him like plague, his cockiness got in the way of my attitude but there was just no way of escaping him. I let him in and I suddenly got to see the Finnick Odair no else had. One day when he brought me over to his house for no reason at all I stared at a huge family portrait in the middle of his living room long enough to see that the lady to the far left of the picture was one I had never seen before in my life. She had his sea-green eyes and bronzed color hair following past her shoulder, the woman was in every way beautiful. It was strange to me that this was the first I've seen the woman. Finnick's family is big on supporting each other, always going to his track meets and swimming competition. "Beautiful, wasn't she?" He asked. I hadn't noticed how long I was starting before he came up behind me. "I lost her at the age of seven to breast cancer." That day changed my outlook on Finnick Odair forever.

"Kitty!" Finnck beams. "You look wonderful! Is that a new wig?"

Madge lets out a snort and I scowl his way but it immediately turns into a grin the moment his buff arms are wrapped around me. I would be lying if I didn't say I missed Finnick. I inhale his sugary scent as I place my skinny arms around him, hugging him back as hard as I can. Other than Madge he's the only person I let into my world, my new world. Everyone else in school probably thinks I fell off the face of the planet or have forgotten all about me. After I moved closer into town no one knows which part of it and it's how I like to keep it. Madge always changes the subject whenever I'm brought up to our small group of friends or at least that's what she told me. And none of them know Finnick knows what happened to me. I could careless, I'd like to keep it that way, _forever_.

"You're so full of shit, Odair. You know that, don't you?"

His loud laugh envelops my kitchen as he places himself next to me, "Only the greatest people are," He winks. "So what are we talking about ladies?"

"Just what I was going to wear to Cato's party tomorrow night," Madge smiles. She knows how much I don't want to share anything to Finnick about Peeta, because Finnick will act like the older brother I've never had and protect me from any little thing the same way he did with Gale. Not that Peeta and I have done anything that Gale and I would do.

"You should join us, Kitty." Finnick smiles widely. "Gale's going."

"Gale's with Johanna," I snap.

The moment I found out about my cancer I cut the strings off of my relationship with Gale. I told him that I just couldn't handle a relationship at the moment and he deserved so much better than what I could offer at the moment. He denied that anything that I was saying was remotely true. He called me heartless and said that I never loved him and said that I was just using him to get someone else. He yelled letting his fury out saying I would never be able to open my heart to anyone because I was so cold hearted. That he felt sorry for the guy after him. That night I cried myself to sleep because I had not only lost my boyfriend/best-friend but I was practically told I was going to die alone by him. Then I accepted every single word because it was true, I was going to die alone. About a month after I was pulled out of school Madge told me Gale had started dating Johanna, I wanted to yell and scream and curse every single world in the English language but my body was so tired that day that I just exhaled sharply the moment she told me. It's not like I never noticed the way Johanna would eye Gale, ask him for help on homework whenever she could even though we all know Gale is as dumb as a rock, or that he was the only reason she was the Football's equipment manager. _At least she was kind enough to wait for me to disappear_, I thought angrily.

"Well then I'm going to be there," Finnick sings. "And who's better than Finnick Odair?" He arches an eyebrow for my amusement. "No one, Kitty. NO ONE."

All three of us laugh. "Only you answer your own question, Finn." Madge let's out a high pitched laugh.

"I don't like to wait for you two ladies to come up for answers that don't include me," He smiles widely.

"I was just going to hangout with Prim, Finnick." I lie.

"You should tell the little squirt I said 'Hi' and that Mr. Finnick is waiting for the batch of cupcakes she promised me," He smiles, oblivious to the lie I just told him.

"I'll make sure to let her know," I tell him, standing for the uncomfortable chair. Finnick and Madge follow suit holding me up from my side and walking me towards the living room. It use to piss me off whenever they would do this, I'd yell at both of them to stop but after one day Finnick drunked dailed me telling me how much he loved me and that he would never forgive himself if I left the world without him helping me as much as he could, that he would die ashamed of himself. I don't think he recalls the conversation but whenever he offers to do something for me I know he's not doing it out of pity or because he think I'm helpless, it keeps him sane to help me as much as he can.

They both set me onto the large couch we always huddle in every Friday night, "So what are we watching today?" I ask them both, pulling a blanket from underneath the table to the front of us.

"I was thinking 'Never Let Me Go'," Madge replies.

"I was thinking'Iron Man'," Finnick laughs.

"I don't want to watch 'Iron Man', Finn!" Madge argues.

"Well, I don't want to watch your stupid movie, Maggie." Finnick argues back.

Madge pouts. Finnick smirks. I laugh.

"How about we watch both?" I ask, spreading the blanket out for the three of us. "Deal?"

They both let out a long breath before turning my way, "Deal."


	4. Chapter IV

**Chapter IV - Peeta Mellark**

"_That's always seemed so ridiculous to me, that people want to be around someone because they're pretty. It's like picking your breakfast cereals based on color instead of taste_."

- John Green

* * *

I live in a world where everything is praised by appearance _- by brand._ People will judge you on what type of clothes you wear and what cars you drive. But appearance always seems to deceive the naked eye. To say Katniss Everdeen fascinates me is an understatement. This one simple girl holds some sort of grasp on me that won't easily slip away. It's as if the world sent her to me in my time of hopelessness. In my time of need. I never understood the way people looked at someone and decided everything about them, how somehow the way they dressed or talked was their whole person. You can take a person and every bit of them say something about them. Their scars and bruises, that's who they are - _that's their story._ Not their clothes, not their make-up, nor the way they walk. When you get to see someone for who they are the world opens an entire new chapter for you, a new person to discover and lure into your world.

**Madge, Are you going to Cato's tonight?**

**Me, Nope. I heard he's having another party next month. Maybe that one.**

**Madge, Okay, what time are you getting to school?**

**Me, Not going... Personal day for myself.**

**Madge, Seriously? Peeta this is your millionth time missing school!**

**Me, Make that a million and one!**

**Madge, You're so difficult.**

**Me, Wouldn't want to be anything but Madge ;)**

**Madge, Can we at least meet on Sunday? I really need help on this physics stuff.**

**Me, Sure thing.**

I throw my phone to the side as I glide my feet out a bed._ There's things I need to accomplish today_. I throw a green towel over my shoulder as I head out of my chilly room. I decide that it's going to be one of _those_ days. I walk past the corridor into Rye's room, I look for his box of prize possessions. If mom ever found these she would flip shit. The door creeks as I walk into his room my eyes frantically looking around the messy room._ Fucking shit, Rye._ You can tell he never takes the time to clean his room because you can't spot one clear spot on his bedroom floor. Now that we've moved we're all lucky enough to have our own rooms. Thank god for that, I know how much it bothered Tom to have such a messy roommate.

"Looking for something?" Rye asks. His hair's dripping slightly with water and towel wrapped snugly around his waist.

_Aha_! I bend over and collect his stupid box.

'Rye's' CD Mix. Condoms. Weed. Lighter. Bowl. Cash. Some torn up journal or book - I can't really tell. Cigarettes.

_Here we go._

"Found it," I shake the red box of Marlboro.

"You can't buy your own?" He asks, slipping into his boxers from underneath the towel.

"I'm not eighteen yet. Have you forgotten?"

"I've done it for so long I forget there's an age limit," He laughs. "Going to school today, Peet?"

"No," I say, passing him. "Maybe next week."

"Peeta, you seriously have to start going to school. Don't you care?"

I contain all the laughter that wants to come out of my mouth because if anyone wants to talk about caring it surely shouldn't be Rye. He's the biggest slacker I have ever met. His school work probably shoots him to a _D_ average.

"I'm pretty sure my straight A's beg to differ," I turn to face him.

His mouth slightly drops at my words. It's never been a surprise for me to get the best grades out the family. When I was younger my dad would bring me sugary treats every time I would ace a test while Rye would get a pat on the back and told '_do better next time_'. His attempt at school and sports have always been mediocre at best. But even my efforts never gained my mother's affection. Trying hard every single day in school, perfect attendance, joining almost every single sport's team, and being head of so many clubs, none of them even encouraging my mother to spend half of the time she spends with the twins - her life and joy. Never a "_That's Peeta, my son. I'm so proud of him_." As a child I would cry myself to sleep begging the universe for my mother's love. Now being a seventeen years of age I could care less what she thinks.

"How was Lisa's by the way?" I ask, tilting my head.

"Great, you should probably get yourself a girlfriend," Rye smirks. "Instead of wasting your time at home so much."

"Isn't a girlfriend someone you spend more than two weeks dating?" I laugh loudly. "Instead of cutting the ties after you fuck. I would hardly call Lisa a girlfriend."

"Fuck you, Peeta," He snarls, pushing me out of his dinky room.

"Can you not be like that to him?" Tom's voice come into hear ascending from the stairs.

"It's not my fault he fucks every girl he's ever been with."

"Peeta," Tom sighs, running his calloused fingers through his blonde hair. "I don't know if you've noticed but that's who Rye is. It's his way of coping."

"You're seriously defending his ways?" I ask, irritated can't even cover the emotions surging through my body.

"I'm not going to say that Rye screwing another girl every week is right but it's the way he's been _dealing_."

"So should I go around fucking girls too?" I smirk.

"No, you have the asshole part of the family down," He states, looking me straight in the eye.

Never in my life have I ever expected ten simple words formed into a simple sentence to ever hurt me so much. But the fact about it is that it's_ true_. Every since the world took away my father from my life I bury myself into sarcastic comments, rude remarks, putting my brother's down whenever the chance appears, skipping school, and picking up the same stupid habit Rye did at the age of fifteen - cigarettes. In the past year of my father's death, I've turned into everything you wouldn't imagine Peeta James Mellark to ever become. Looking at me you can still see the teenage boy - the _appearance_ of the perfect seventeen year old I use to be, but I'm not there anymore. I hate this stupid world and it surely knows it.

I was scattered away with my father's death.

"Whatever, Tom." I snap, turning on my heels.

"The truth hurts, doesn't it Peeta?!"

I briskly rush to my room and slam the door shut. _Who the hell does Tom think he is!_ I slide the last drawer of my own dresser open and pull out the neon colored lighter I have. Gloss use to call me a_ princess_ for the brightly colored thing but I just could never let go of it. I tear open the plastic surrounding the 12-count box and pull a single cigarette out. I shove it into my mouth and flick the lighter giving me a small fire. I could always get these to light up on my first try. When I was nine I found a small blue one in my uncle's garage one afternoon and spent the whole time mastering the technique. My index finger and middle finger grasp the hold of the cigarette as I let out the first puff of smoke. I slightly cough after the first puff as I inhale in for the second. Apparently coughing is something you're _supposed_ to do after the first inhale. Or I was told by someone. Which I've always found stupid but I do it anyways.

I hear the engine of the car turn on from my outside door and peer out my window. I can barely make out both of my twin brothers' silouttee's as they pull out of drive-way. As I see them drive away I pull my window upwards and glide my feet out onto it's wide ledge.

* * *

_"Tom, Rye, and Peeta Mellark to the front office, please."_

_The words booming through Kennedy High's hallways. I didn't have the slightest clue on what the three of us were being called for but none the less my feet shuffled towards the front office of our school._

_As I turn the knob of the door I notice I'm the first out of my siblings to arrive. No surprise there though, they always take their time with everything._

_"Oh Peeta," I hear a voice call as I enter the large blue tinted room._

_"Uncle Chaff?" I ask, he's the last person I would imagine to be here._

_"Peeta," I hear Rye's voice booming as he swings open the door. "Do you have any idea why we're called here?"_

_As his body frame is centered in front of the mahgony desk of the small secretary, he turns his gaze to where mine is holding. "Uncle Chaff!" Rye smiles. "What are you doing here?"_

_"Your mother asked me to pick you two up," His voice sharp as nails. No emotions spreading through his words. _This must be bad.

_"Why?" Tom asks, placing himself next to Rye as he enters the suddenly cramped room._

_"Y-Your dad," He sighs. "Kids, he fainted in the bakery this morning." He runs his hand through his hair. "H-His heart is in a complicated situation at the moment and... well you three should be there with your mother."_

_Silence. _

_None of us dare to speak. Maybe this is just a dream, maybe if we continue in silence I'll wake up from the screeching of my alarm clock, just maybe._

_"Is he okay?" I finally ask, knowing that this isn't a dream. I shift uncomfortably from one foot to the other looking up to meet his brown eyes._

_"I'm not going to lie to you, Peeta. You're too good of kid to be lied to," He drops his gaze to his feet before he speaks. "He's not at the moment. There's something wrong with your dad but that doesn't mean he's not going to be okay. Gared Mellark is a strong."_

* * *

So fucking strong that he died.

_Truth hurts doesn't it?! __Truth hurts doesn't it?! __Truth hurts doesn't it?! __Truth hurts doesn't it?! __Truth hurts doesn't it?! __Truth hurts doesn't it?! _

Tom's shout still repeating it my head.

My memory of the worst day of my life breaks apart as the cigarette comes to a close. I shift my weight to my back as I lay across the rooftop of our home. It's been nearly a year since I've moved here and I couldn't be more grateful. The apologies I would always receive whenever I walked down the hallways or made a quick trip to our local market were suffocating me. It didn't help that after he died we had to close the only bakery in town because my mother never had the decency to learn how to run the thing. Tom, Rye, and I could have kept it running and full of bread along with my dad's employees but none of us knew how to order certain things or any of the paper work. Dad was too stubborn to teach us, repeatedly saying how we didn't need to learn, we were going to get into amazing colleges and not have to work behind an oven for the rest of our lives like he does. I never understood his words, my father loved baking as much as I do. The art of cooking and baking is something so indescribably wonderful to me. Blending mixes and or colors to form a delectable creation always enlightened me as a kid. Whenever teachers asked me what I wanted to be as a kid my answers was "_Just like my dad - a baker._" I was always content with my answer always over joyed with the future but now I could care less what I end up being.

As my feet swing into my room I hear my phone _ding!_ and I run towards it hoping it's the one person that I have actually formed an interest into texting as much as I can, recently. A wide grin breaks out onto my face as the sender name of the text doesn't disappointing me.

**Katniss, No, I'm not busy in the morning. Why?**

_Perfect, _I think to myself.

**Me, No reason. Just curious :))**

/

"Peeta?" A perplexed brunette answers the door wide-eyed. "What are you doing here?"

"Popping by," I wink, taking her in. Her long skinny legs are barely covered by tiny white short and she has a tight University of Chicago shirt thrown over her. Her hair's almost perfect, although. It makes me smile. "I see you weren't joking about your pajamas."

"Yeah..." She says, awkwardly covering her waist with her hands. She pushes her front door completely open and turns to me. "Well, come in."

I swing my backpack securely onto my shoulders and step into her house. The first thing that I notice are the pictures hung perfectly next to a white polished closet. They seemed to be scattered around the wall in particular preference or order. The first picture that comes to eye is of a small girl in a huge hunting jacket, nearly bigger than her whole size. She's grinning widely to the camera her mouth missing teeth as she stretches her small arms around her waist. The sun hit's her perfectly in the shot as her face shines and the grass gleams all around her. I also notice there are pictures of a blonde woman with a younger blonde girl in several shots. Then the most outstanding one is of Katniss wearing a red plaid dress. Her hair is in delicate two braids perfectly aligned beside her head. She has her mouth slightly open as she sits on a tall brown stool behind a microphone as if she were about to sing or in the act of singing. The one to be more recent is one of her and the already seen blonde girl hugging each other around Christmas time. It must have been three or four years ago because Katniss looks like she's grow since that picture was snapped.

Katniss notices my gaze and stands right next to me. "That's my sister," She points out.

"You have a sister?"

"Yeah, her name's Primrose." She smiles.

"Did you parents have a thing for flowers when naming you two?"

Katniss laughs, her eyes squinting at the body function. "Uh... I guess it's my mom's thing? I don't really know to be honest."

"You guys look a like," I state.

"We what?" She asks, her face tilting like a confused puppy at my statement.

"You two look a like. The form of eyes, nose, lips, even your face shapes. Except, you're a brunette and she's a blonde. You have gray eyes and she has blue. You have a nice olive tan and she's like my skin tone, pale."

"No one's said that before," She awes.

"People probably don't analyze you the way I just did," I laugh.

"Probably not." She lets out a small snort. "Why are you here? Aren't you suppose to be in school?"

She urges me to follow her as she crosses a long corridor into a room that I assume is a living room. It bewilders me how neat the area is. Everything seems to have a place for itself and is always in it's rightful place. I notice the tall bookshelf of to the far end of the pale pink painted room and can't help but smile at the overflowing piece of furniture.

"Suppose to be! But I'm not, Ms. Everdeen." I answer her question as we stand in the middle of the room. "I was thinking about this cute brunette who happens to do online school and I'm suppose to meet up later and decided to just show up a couple of hours early." I pause to grab the DVDs out of my bag. "Now, Madge says you're a sucker for Gossip Girl but for some reason haven't gotten past season one. So, I stopped by Family Video and got season two through five for you to watch."

"You did that for me?" She gasps.

"Couldn't let a pretty girl not finish the seasons she hasn't watched," I wink.

She let's out a small giggle before reaching towards my extended hands. "So Madge, huh?"

"I've kind of been antagonizing her about you since the day I got your number..."

"And she isn't sick of you yet?" Her face full of amusement.

"Of course not! Ms. Undersee even asked me if I would be attending tonight's party," I say. "Obviously, I'm not."

"Why not?"

"I'd rather spend time with you." I reply in all honesty.

"Me?"

"Yeah."

"Why?" She asks, her eyebrow arched.

"Well, there will be plenty of party where teenagers are groping each other and drunk out of their minds. I'd prefer to watch Gossip Girl with you and do whatever it is we were going to do later."

"Are you sure I'm not cutting into Peeta Mellark's fun time?"

"More like you'll be part of my 'Fun Time'," I say, putting quotation marks in air over Fun Time.

"You sure? I'd understand if you -well you know, decided to hangout with some one much more fun," She speaks awfully low.

"I'm positive," I nod. "Now, pop in season two and let's get our Blair on!"

"How do you know the name of one of the characters?" Her eyes survey my face.

"Leighton Meester is not only Blair Waldorf but she happens to be my girlfriend," I joke.

"Have a thing for girls with amazing legs I presume?"

"No, brunettes," I say, tossing a saucy wink her way. I can't help but notice the way her cheeks blush.

"Have you really seen the show though?" She glance towards me pulling out one of the discs from Season Two's DVD.

"Don't make fun of me." I pause. "But it's kind of one of my guilty pleasure. Can't get enough of the Upper East Side scandals."

"Are you joking?"

"Yeah," I laughed. "I looked online what the show was even about. It seems like a bunch of hoopla thrown together but hey if you like it. Who am I to judge?"

"No one," She smiles, lowering herself down onto one of her sofas. "Um, you can sit down if you want." She tells me awkwardly.

"Thought you'd never say that," I laugh, easing her little fit of awkward. "Here I thought you were going to make me stand all day."

"Nah," She responds. "I wouldn't do that."

"When are we expecting Mrs. Everdeen home?" I ask.

"Call her Daisy," She says.

"Really?" I ask, my eyebrow arched. "Another flower?"

"I said it was a family thing!" She laughs, throwing her head back and fit it perfectly onto the sofa.

"I can totally tell," I grin. "So, like I said when are we expecting Mrs. Ever- I mean Daisy home?"

"Probably until tomorrow morning," She captures the control in front of her as it's start slip off of the small table in front of us.

"Are you asking me to spend the night?"

"Oh god! No way! I-I mean it's not that you aren't great company," She stammers, her eyes wild. I can't help but widen my mouth into an incredibly large smile at the frustration of her. It's endearing how she flusters over something so silly as a 'sleepover' with a boy. It's how I figured the moment I saw her eyes, she sparkles innocence. Katniss Everdeen is pure. "It's just that. Y-You know I really. B-B-But I couldn't-"

"Katniss," I say, lightly squeezing her elbow. "I was just poking some fun."

She forces a chuckle and grabs one of her throw pillows placing it over her face. "Now I feel like an idiot," I hear her mutter through the fluffy padding.

"You are _not_ an idiot."

"Did you not just hear me?" She peers up as she lowers the pillow onto her lap.

"I thought it was cuteeeeee."

"Cute?" She asks, softly.

"Cute."

/

"Why do you did online school?" I question.

It's an early Thursday evening when I inquire such a thought. We're walking down the park near her house shoulder to shoulder. It's the first time I've seen her since we spent all night watch Gossip Girl and playing board game. She showed me her room and I couldn't help but be captured by the 90 pounded girl. She sparks fire and hope throughout her whole person that it captivates you by just muttering the name Katniss and seeing her gray eyes flash your way. I glace quickly at her and can't help but _love_ the way her body is hugged by a light blue sweater covered by a white scarf and black leggings that hug her legs exquisitely She looks up at me like a deer looks when the flashing lights of a car cross their path. I feel mistaken for taking up such a question but it's been bugging me since the day I first met her and I've just been itching to know.

"Huh?"

Her voice shakes a bit at the three letter response and I keep help but squirm slightly at her discomfort. We reach a towering tree and I let myself slide down stretching my legs in front of me. To anyone just looking at us you would think that I'm admiring my shoes or the soft green growing gross before me but my mind racing on it's own to find a way to either change the question or make it clearer. Katniss flicks her braid over her shoulder and slowly settles herself pretzel style in front of me, her eyebrows furrowed in the middle obviously waiting for me to respond.

"I just," I pause. "I wanted to know why you do online school."

"Why?"

"Just curious. I've never really met anyone who does online school." My shoulders lean heavily against the tree and my eyes focus on the family of birds that are circling above me.

Katniss stares at the general direction of my gaze and I glance quickly to see the faint smile on her lips. "I just do," She replies, turning her gaze to me. "It's easier like I said and I like it a lot better than actual school."

This bring a chuckle out of me, "I bet. Do you miss it?"

"School?'

I nod.

"Yes and no. I mean I was never really popular or anything but I wasn't a total loser either. Madge and Finnick are the only two people that still talk to me since I've left and I just want to keep it that way. I don't go out much, either. So it's not like I try to talk to others. It's just not my thing to be honest. School just didn't end up working in my favor and I stopped going. My grandparents enrolled me to an online program and I've been doing it for almost two years."

"Must be nice."

"Online school?"

"Yes! I mean you sit in front of computer and get to finish school. While, I have to sit in classroom," I make a face.

"It can't be _that_ bad." She smiles, pulling clumps of grass out in front of her almost making a tower of it.

"Oh, it is."

Then we sit in silence. It's comfortable silence over the last few days I've notice that sometimes Katniss just _thinks_. I mean really, _think_. She'll sit in front of me or stay on the phone for a while and doesn't really utter a word.

"Lay with me," She says.

"Why?" I ask, confused.

"To listen."

_Listen? _My mind questions.

She carries a large smile as I notice both of her feet stretch out before her. Then, she slowly leans her head back as her whole body lowers onto a perfectly cut bed of grass. I admire as her eyes flutter shut and her ears perk up to listen to the sounds around her. I watch her for a couple seconds before I give in to her beautiful form and push myself off the rough tree and lay beside her. My shoulder bumps into hers by accident as I lower myself down.

"Sorry," I whisper, feeling like I have interrupted some sort of religious task.

"Beautiful, isn't it?"

"What is?" I lift my head to see her wide smile and closed eyes.

"Just listen, Peeta." She tells me amored by her surrounding. "Just close your eyes and listen."

So, I close my eyes and I do listen. I can hear the faint sound of bees buzzing around me, birds chirping their calls or maybe songs, the sound of Katniss's even breaths, the faint laugh of children playing at the park not so many feet away from us, dogs barking and panting, and and ice cream truck probably turning a near street corner.

"Don't you hear everything that goes on around us?" She asks. "Our days are so focused on everything that no ever really sits down and listen or sits down and watches the world. It's sad and heartwarming all at the same time. There are a million things going on at this exact moment and it just.. it's beautiful."

I tilt my head once again towards her and this time I'm met by endearing gray eyes full of hope and devotion that my heart can't help but flutter. I take in her words and realize that it's true. Never in my life have I just sat down and listened to the world around me or watched what goes on, either. I just expect things to be there. I never really give them credit for being there or thank the universe for things such as children's laughter or chirping birds. I just expect them to always be there.

"So beautiful," My mouth forms.

But I wasn't talking about listening to the things around me.

* * *

**A/N:**

**A month and a couple weeks later...**

**I'm so sorry! I'm been having a rough couple of weeks and I've kind of been on hiatus for everything but the writing bug hit me and I just had to update.**

**I hope you like the chapter and honestly tell me what you think!**

**I don't use a Beta so I'm sorry for all my mistakes. :c**

_**on hiatus as of december 29th**_


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